The tale of how 21 year old me drove coast to coast. Part 1

"Maarten" (unsafeatanyspeed) 06/23/2016 at 22:40 • Filed to: Roadtrip, Hertz, camaro, airport, san francisco, Maarten, coast to coast

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Almost a year late, but a promise is a promise and I’ll be damned if I don’t write this at some point in my life. It may not all be car related but I can guarantee you you’ll at least breathe loudly through your nose at some of this. Probably more due to schadefreude than because the writing is any good, but unlike Mr. Regular I picked a mayor that actually pays.

Day 1: Airport Anxiety.
Monday June 15th 2015, 7:30AM, Amsterdam airport.
Hugging my parents and two of my best friends one last time before I travel halfway around the world all alone with a suitcase and what would turn out to be not even remotely enough money to last a month. The flight, Delta airlines, was uneventful. The same could not be said for the layover in Texas, a two hour line for the TSA checkpoint, the next plane being delayed for more than four hours, my suitcase still not making it onto that plane, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Almost two hours after landing in San Francisco I finally got my suitcase and went on my merry way to the Hertz rental agency where I’d rented a Convertible - Please don’t be a Chrysler 200c - only to be told that my reservation was booked for tomorrow and not today. Now I’m a good bit over 30 hours without sleep and I just can’t deal with this today so I got myself a cheap motel room and went back the next day.

Day 2: Hatred Hertz
Now here’s where my biggest mistake comes to light: I didn’t get a credit card because my bank told me most places would take my Dutch debit card.
So of course Hertz wasn’t most places and refused to take it. But they would take cash as long as I coughed up the security deposit too. Whatever, there’s an atm around the corner I’ll get you your extortionate extra costs that were never mentioned upon booking. (“All taxes paid up front” except the airport tax) Now I’ve been a poor student for a few years so I’ve gotten used to seeing “insufficient funds” on ATM screens but I was pretty sure I had several grand still in this account. Check the banking app on my phone: yup, still rich, so then what the hell is going on? The time is ticking because if I don’t cough up the money today they’ll cancel my reservation without a refund.
I had a total meltdown right there, we’re talking tears streaming down my face, calling my parents and looking at tickets home. Until my guardian angel, from now on referred to as “My uncle”, came to the rescue. He lived nearby - 4 hours away - and could come over with the cash for the security deposit and a creditcard to pay for the taxes and other fees, Hertz employee agrees since he’s a relative with the same surname.
Four hours later the deal has changed, the creditcard would have to be in my name or they wouldn’t take it, only option left is to pay for all of it in cash. No way to get the required amount today, they’ll make an exception and let me pay for it the next day.
We grab a Sub and hit the road along the way dropping by my cousin who I haven’t seen in a few years. That’s when I realize I left my jacket at the Subway. Not that big a problem if it weren’t for the passport in the left pocket. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Drive back, of course they’re closed. By now we’re both exhausted and he’s driven for at least 10 hours that day so I take the wheel of his Lincoln MKZ - good car, strange hybrid system - and as we’re cruising in the carpool lane an accident happens about 8 car lengths in front of us and one lane to the right. I knew I wasn’t at fighter pilot levels of reaction time so I’d left a good 4 car lengths between myself and the car in front. I don’t brake too hard out of fear of being rear ended and use this ample room to slow down. That is until some idiot in an El Camino going a good 20mph slower than me dives into my braking zone and I have to slam both feet onto the pedal. In the MKZ’s defence it handled this situation flawlessly, the ABS didn’t even have to kick in. We come to a stop, what my uncle describes as, a pubic hair away from the The Journey’s rear bumper. Surprisingly he let’s me drive the rest of the way home.

Day 3: Topless.....Wednesday?
We hit the road early in the hopes of getting my jacket back. It was still there, hell the guy working there didn’t even loot the 25 dollars I had left, nor would he take 5 of them as a tip.
This is where I’d tell you about how we dropped 1300 dollars onto the counter and Hertz let me drive out in the FWD reincarnation of the Corvair.
That however wasn’t the case, the terms had changed, my reservation was cancelled and the money forfeit. I’ll spare you the details but it took several hours, phone calls and something that was interpreted by the hertz employee as a death threat to finally get everything sorted out. Now I know they say never look a gift horse in the mouth but that’s exactly what I did by inquiring how much extra it would cost to exchange whatever car I would get for a brand new convertible Mustang. 3 dollars a day, or 84 dollars total, I was ready to pull the trigger on that decision when my uncle, who had cooled down from Death threat to mildly annoyed asked the still slightly scared employee which car I’d be getting in the first place.
“A 2016 Camaro”
“I’ll take it.”
The tides had turned, fate had cast it’s rays upon me once again, the challenges of the last few days forgotten the second I turned the key and revved it to redline for the first time.(Sue me.) Using all the self control I’d built up sitting next to photo models in high school I made it out of parking lot without doing a single burnout.

Isn’t she gorgeous. (Note the Nevada plates.)

This black on black steed would serve me loyally for the next four weeks and in return I abused her every second of the way.

Tune in later for two near death experiences, three car celebrity meetups and a land speed record attempt.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Maarten 06/24/2016 at 07:09

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I call BS on Hertz again. That’s no 2016 Camaro.